


Mistletoe

by wisrac17dew



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, Mistletoe, this is so fake wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 19:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2870726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisrac17dew/pseuds/wisrac17dew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thranduil doesn't know what mistletoe means, but he's standing under it and so is Bard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little (late) Christmas-y fic. There's a reason the word crack is in the tags.

Bard's life had been more eventful in the past few days than the past few years altogether. Which in reality wasn't really saying much, being a barge man wasn't all that exciting, that was besides the point though.

If it wasn't enough that the whole town had burned down and now there was a war coming, apparently it was close enough to Christmas that people were hanging mistletoe seemingly everywhere. It was great that the townsfolk had managed to keep such a positive outlook on life, but this was a little ridiculous.

Thranduil was gawking, looking up at the little plant hanging above himself and Bard. His facial expression probably would've been funny if Bard hadn't been so embarrassed. He was sure his own face was bright red.

"What is the meaning of this?" Thranduil asked, seemingly oblivious to Tilda's mad giggling.

Bard and Thranduil had been on their way to one of the larger tents which was being used as a makeshift storehouse to check on supply levels when Tilda had caught Bard's attention, and demanded that he needed to come see something. Bard had apologized repeatedly to Thranduil and assured him that it would only take a moment and that he should go on his way. Of course Thranduil had just shrugged it off and followed Bard towards the tent his kids had been inhabiting.

“You have to kiss!” Tilda was still laughing, Bard was anything but amused. Admiring the elf from afar was one thing, being forced to kiss him was totally different. Even if _he_  wanted to it didn't mean Thranduil did, and he didn't want to ruin their professional relationship. All he needed was for the king of the elves to dislike him, it could ruin the humans' good relations with Mirkwood.

“Just so you know I had nothing to do with this,” Bain was leaning again the back corner of the tent. This was absolutely terrible.

Thranduil's attention had moved from the mistletoe to Bard. "We have to kiss?"

There was no way this could get any worse.

"Father!"

So of course it got worse.

"If I was you I'd just kiss him and get it over with," Sigrid shrugged.

Legolas, who was now hovering right outside of the tent, tilted his head to the side. "You're going to kiss this human, father?"

"It appears to be some sort of human tradition," Thranduil concluded.

Bard couldn't take this anymore, there was only one way to get out of this situation and he was just going to man up and go for it.

Bard grabbed Thranduil's arm, fully intending to just pull him forward and kiss him, instead he realized that he was quite a few inches shorter than the other man, and his plan wasn't going to go as smoothly as he'd hoped. Now he was stuck looking up into Thranduil's very blue eyes.

Thranduil blinked, "if it is a human tradition than so be it," he proceeded to lean down swiftly and press his lips to Bard's.

Bard squeezed his eyes shut and did his best to kiss Thranduil back because it would be rude if he didn't, right?

And then there was a hand snaking around the back of his neck, and Thranduil was pulling him closer, and Bard was a-okay with that until he remembered that he was kissing the Elvenking in front of all three of his kids and Thranduil's son as well.

Bard pulled back, letting his hand on the elf's arm fall, he hadn't realized just how tight his grip had been. Thranduil didn't seem to planning on taking a step back anytime soon.

"Father, I really need to talk to you," Legolas's voice brought Bard back to reality.

"Of course," Thranduil finally turned to face his son.

Bard took the opportunity to face his own children. They were all wide eyed. Sigrid gave a cheeky smile, "I think he likes you, Dad." She spoke loud enough for Bard to hear, but not Thranduil, who had stepped directly outside the tent to speak to his son.

Bard just shook his head, of course his kids were going to tease him, that's what kids do.

The flaps that served as an entrance to the tent were pushed open, and Thranduil re-entered. Legolas was standing a few feet behind him.

"We must go check on the war rations now," Thranduil directed towards Bard.

"I'll be back later tonight," Bard told his children, "don't get into trouble."

Bain's gaze drifted towards Thranduil, "don't have too much fun while you're gone."

Legolas made a noise that sounded kind of like a snort.

"Okay I think it's time for us to go." Bard began to exit the tent before anything else embarrassing could happen.

"It was a pleasure to participate in your tradition, you are very welcoming hosts," Thranduil nodded to the children before following Bard. That was actually kind of cute, in a strange elven culture sort of way.

Thranduil was kind of cute in general, if Bard was being honest.

He was a good kisser too.

Legolas had turned a different way about halfway to the supply tent, and at that point Thranduil decided it would be a good time to start small talk. "Would you give me details on your tradition?"

"Oh mistletoe?" Bard smiled softly, "it's kind of a joke really." Thranduil remained silent, prompting him to continue. "Well around Christmas time people hang it up, it's usually meant for couples."

Thranduil seemed to be deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowed together and a crease visible in his forehead. "It's not supposed to be anything serious, it's for fun," Bard laughed.

"We're not a couple," Thranduil said.

"Well, no."

"Why did we take part in the tradition?"

Bard felt his cheeks heat up once again, "the kids just wanted something to laugh at, it's no big deal."

Thranduil nodded slowly, he was obviously over thinking the situation. Bard was suddenly feeling very guilty about the situation. At the time he had mostly only been thinking of his own embarrassment, now he was realizing that Thranduil was a king, a real life king! Kissing him out of the blue must've been terrible etiquette, there were probably rules against it!

"I'm sorry if I offended you in some way, your majesty," Bard stopped walking momentarily to tilt his head towards the ground.

Thranduil finally rid of his serious expression, his lips turned up into a smirk. "Do not apologize," he had stopped walking as well. "I did not object to kissing you, did I?"

"Well no, but-"

And suddenly those long fingers were covering his cheeks, and Thranduil was a lot closer than he had been before. "I quite enjoyed your tradition," Bard was really wondering how his eyes got so blue, "I'd like to kiss you again, if that is alright."

Bard could only offer a toothy grin. Thranduil took that as an okay and leaned down to fit their mouths together once again. It was more relaxed this time than under the mistletoe, Thranduil was still holding his cheeks softly, and Bard wrapped his arms around Thranduil's waist. The elf's lips were soft and his thumbs were rubbing circles into the skin in front of his ears.

Thranduil was the first to pull away this time, he looked very pleased with himself. Bard hadn't felt this happy after kissing someone in a very long time.

"Now as much as I'd like to just keep kissing you, we really need to check on our rations. We're going to war tomorrow."

The situation was so surreal that Bard wanted to laugh.

\---

"We could be a couple," Thranduil decided, out of the blue, as they walked out of the supply tent. Bard would've spit out his drink if he had one.

"Me and you?" Bard said in disbelief, "a king and a simple bargeman? "

"I am a king, I can make my own rules."

The way Thranduil said everything so seriously made Bard smile. "You're asking me out the day before war starts? Shouldn't this be in a romance novel?"

"Maybe, does it sound romantic?"

"I suppose so, if you're into that kind of thing."

"You didn't really give me an answer you know." Thranduil pointed out.

"You never asked a question!"

"I implied."

"Ask me," Bard was sure he was pushing his boundries, but at this point he was too caught up in the moment to care.

"Bard of Laketown," Thranduil was being nice enough to play along. "I have taken quite a liking to you, will you please be mine?"

"I would be honored." Bard smiled.

Thranduil replied with the most genuine smile Bard had ever seen him express.

"I'm going to have to thank my kids for being matchmakers aren't I?"

"It would only be polite."

Bard sighed, it really was too bad he already had plans tomorrow, war was such a cockblock.

"Come, I'd like to experience your human tradition again," Thranduil began to walk in the direction of the kids' tent.

"You're going to abuse mistletoe now, aren't you?"

Thranduil didn't bother answering.

Bard didn't mind.


End file.
